GARDEN OF EDEN

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, \"What is wrong with you?\"

Adam said he didn\'t have anyone to talk to.

God said that he was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

He said, \"This person will gather food for you, cook for you, when you discover clothing, she\'ll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you\'ve had a disagreement.

She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.\"

Adam asked God, \"What will a woman like this cost?\"

God replied, \"An arm and a leg.\"

Then Adam asked, \"What can I get for a rib?\"

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The other day while driving home, after being delayed at my office, I suddenly saw flashing lights in my rearview mirror.

The police officer pulled me over for speeding. Hoping for a little leniency I explained to him that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary.

But rather than letting me off with just a warning, he went ahead and wrote out the ticket, handed it to me, and said,

\"Congratulations!  The first year is paper, right?\"

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Saying Goodbye

A couple were going out for the evening. They\'d gotten ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple walked out of the house, the cat shoots back in.They don\'t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver \"He\'s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my  mother.\"

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. \"Sorry I took so long,\" he says, \"Silly old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get herto come out!\"

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SPEEDING

A woman is caught speeding on the freeway, and is pulled over by a traffic cop. He says \"Ma\'am, you were going 85 miles per hour, can I see your driver\'s license?\"

\"I don\'t have one,\" says the woman, \"it was revoked for reckless driving.\"

\"I see,\" says the policeman. \"Then will you please show me your vehicle registration?\"

\"I don\'t have that either because the car\'s not mine,\" says the woman.

\"Whose car is it, then?\" asks the policeman. She answers, \"It belongs to the man I killed this morning and chopped up in pieces, put in plastic bags, and loaded into the trunk. I was just going to dispose of him.\"

The policeman, shocked, says, \"You just stay where you are, I\'m calling reinforcements.\"

Soon the captain comes, and asks the woman, \"License please?\"

The woman, politely, says, \"Certainly, here it is,\" and hands over her license.

\"Can I see the car\'s registration, please?\" asks the captain, and the woman says, \"Certainly,\" and hands it over to him.

He then asks, \"Would you mind if I looked in your trunk?\"

\"Not at all,\" says the woman, and pops the trunk. He looks in and it\'s empty.

\"Excuse me,\" says the captain, \"but my officer here told me you had no license, no vehicle registration, and that you had stolen the car, killed its owner, cut him into pieces and loaded him in your trunk!\"

The woman answered, \"Really? I bet the Crazy Bugger said I was speeding, too!\"

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Recently in Traffic Court a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.

The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.

The Judge then said, \"Good.  When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you $57. Next.\"

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A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change,and then goes back and says to the cashier,  \"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!\"

\"Sir, you stepped away from the counter,\" said the cashier. \"We don\'t make corrections after you leave. There\'s nothing I can do about it now.  That\'s the policy of this bank.\"

\"Well, ok,\" answered the customer. \"Just thought you\'d like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye.\"

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A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. \"All right children, let\'s take another example,\" she said. \"If I were to get into a man\'s pocket and take his billfold with all his m*ney, what would I be?\"

Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile he blurts out, \"You\'d be his w*fe!\"
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