Listening : The Foundation of Effective Communication Skills
How well do you listen? Typically, most people are poor listeners. They have mental listening blocks that prevent them from listening well. This article explores some blocks to people’s ability to listen well that prevent the development of effective communication skills
Comparing
Comparing makes listening difficult. Your mind is always trying to assess during a conversation as to who is smarter or more competent, you or the other person. Some people focus on who has suffered more or who is the bigger victim. While someone is talking they think to themselves, “Could I do it that well...I’ve had it harder, he doesn’t know what hard is. learn more than that...” You can’t listen with full attention because you’re too busy seeing if you measure up.
Identifying
With this block you identify the things a person tells you with your own experience. They want to tell you about their vacation but that reminds you of your vacation and you launch into your story before they finish theirs. You are so busy with these exciting tales of your life that there’s no time to really hear and get to know the other person.
The Rehearsal
The rehearsal listening block also causes the listener not to pay attention to the speaker. The focus of their thoughts and attention is preparing a response to the speaker/. The listener may try to appear interested but their mind is thinking of story that they want to relate or the point they wish to make.
Dreaming
If you are dreaming you are only half listening because something that the person said triggers a chain of private thoughts. You’re more prone to dreaming when you feel bored or anxious. Everybody tends to dream and sometimes you need to take greater effort to stay tuned. If you dream a lot with certain people, it could mean you have a lack of commitment to get to know or appreciate them.
Being Right
Being right means you will go to any lengths to avoid being wrong. This could include twisting the facts, starting shouting, making excuses, accusing, or calling past sins. You can’t listen to criticism, you can’t be corrected, and you can’t take suggestions to change. Your convictions are unshakable and since you won’t acknowledge that your mistakes are mistakes, you keep on making them.
De Railing
Derailing is when a person suddenly changes the subject. You derail the train of conversation when you get bored or uncomfortable with the topic. Another way of derailing is to continually respond to whatever said with a joke or funny remarks to avoid being uncomfortable when seriously listening to the other person.
Placating
You want to be nice and pleasant and you want people to like you. Your response is to agree with everything. It might sound like this, “Right...right...absolutely....I know, yes, really.” You may half listen to get the gist of the conversation but you’re not really involved. You are placating rather than tuning in and thinking about what actually is being said.
To develop effective communication skills the listening blocks need to be removed Good listening skills are essential for the effective communication. The listening blocks mentioned in this are barriers to good listening. By having knowledge of these listening blocks is you have the ability to improve listening skills, and develop greater mutual understanding in your communication. The distraction and the destructive patterns of the thoughts, create barriers to good listening. Through developing good listening skills you will see great improvements in your communication capacity